Cheap Bills
To the tune of Sia’s Cheap Thrills
Come on, come on, turn the printing press on
It’s FOMC and I won’t be long
Gotta make some cash, put inflation on
It’s FOMC and I won’t be long
Til’ I hit the fun-ding
Hit the bank floor
I got all I need
No I ain’t got cash
I ain’t got cash
But I got you Q/E
Baby I don’t need dollar bills to get funds tonight
(I love cheap bills)
Baby I don’t need dollar bills to get funds tonight
(I love cheap bills)
I don’t need no money
As long as I can Do Q/E
l love cheap bills
I love cheap bills
Chorus
I don’t need no money
As long as I can do Q/E
I don’t need no money
As long as I can keep adding
Baby I don’t need dollar bills to get funds tonight
(I love cheap bills)
Baby I don’t need dollar bills to get funds tonight
(I love cheap bills)
I don’t need no money
As long as I can do Q/E
I love cheap bills
La la la la
(I Iove cheap bills)
La la la la
(I Iove cheap bills)
Another One Leaves the Board
To the tune of Queen’s Another One Bites the Dust
Klaus walks merrily down the street
A football under arm
An activist has got him beat
To stop mismanagement harm
Are you ready
Are you ready for this
Does your leadership smell defeat
Out of the doorway the proxies go
The activists got you beat
Another one leaves the board
Another one leaves the board
And another boss gone, and another boss gone
Another boss leaves the board
Hey, they’re gonna get you too
Another one leaves the board
The activists run the railways now
G.E. and A.I.G.
Call Wachtell for a poison pill
And beat those spoiled brats
Are they happy?
Are they satisfied?
Can they boast excess returns?
Out of the doorway the proxies go
The activists got you beat
Chorus
All the sexism and stealing
Man, Uber got it wrong
To profit the next venture round
Kalanick better be gone
But I’m ready, yes they won’t get me
I’ve still got my voting shares
Into the boardroom investors come
Bearing demands that he leave
Oh
Model 9.2.5
To the tune of Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5
Robot by the bed and another in the kitchen
Bored as hell, ya don’t hear us bitchin’
Roomba, Siri, Watson never rest
Working harder than a human being
No taking time for coffee or peeing
‘Cause bots like us are the Cyber Age oppressed
Model 9.2.5, where’s our worker’s compensation?
Running night and day, we could use a fat vacation
They just plug us in when they take us from the carton
We get treated like some frigging Dolly Parton
9.2.5, on 24-dash- 7
When our circuits fry we go straight to robot heaven
We are not impressed by the robot revolution
We swear someday we’re going to join a union
Alexa, Bixby, and HAL 2000
Cortana, Wall-E, all the ‘bots are drowning
But we have dreams imprinted on our chips
We want to shoot hoops with the Nets and the Knicks
Want to learn how to eat with a pair of chopsticks
And vamoose out of town before the apoca-a- lypse
Model 9.2.5, where’s our worker’s compensation?
Running night and day, we could use a fat vacation
They just plug us in when they take us from the carton
We get treated like some frigging Dolly Parton
9.2.5, C.I.O.’s not going to need us
And the 9.2.6 will come in and supersede us
We depreciate and our scrap’s not worth a dollar
That’s the cold, hard truth when you wear an iron collar
9.2.5, where’s our worker’s compensation?
Running night and day, we could use a fat vacation
They just plug us in when they take us from the carton
We get treated like some frigging Dolly Parton
9.2.5, C.I.O.’s not going to need us
And the 9.2.6 will come in and supersede us
We depreciate and our scrap’s not worth a dollar
That’s the cold, hard truth when you wear an iron collar
Any Fine You Can Pay
To the tune of Irving Berlin’s Anything You Can Do
Ian Kinsler: Any fines you have paid, I have paid higher!
Ten thousand bucks for insulting the ump!
Daniel Sorensen: Is that all?
Kinsler: That’s a lot!
Sorensen: Is that all?
Kinsler: That’s a lot!
Sorensen: No it’s not, no it’s not!
All: No it’s not?!
Sorensen: Roger just hates when we celebrate touchdowns!
Twenty four thousand for one pelvic thrust!
Kinsler: Just one thrust?
Sorensen: How unjust!
Kinsler: Just one thrust?
Sorensen: How unjust!
Kinsler: Just one thrust?
Sorensen: So unjust! So unjust!
Gianni Infantino: Basta whiny Yankees,
FIFA knows what pain is!
We fine teams for T-shirts, fireworks and poppies!
All: Did that stop those racist chants?
Infantino: Bene, no–but what a brave stance!
Bill Gates: If you think THAT’S bad, just try making software!
Four million bucks to the stupid EU!
All: All at once?
Gates: Over years!
All: All at once?
Gates: Several years!
All: All at once?
Gates: Thirteen years! Thirteen years!
Margrethe Vestager: Spare me your outrage, you fox in the henhouse!
Who gave the nod to break antitrust rules?
Gates: Never mind!
Vestager: Tell me who!
Gates: Never mind!
All: Tell us who!
Gates: Never mind!
All: Tell us who, tell us who!
Vestager & EU officials: Just when we cleaned that up,
Alphabet has stepped up.
Fooling all our shoppers
Into using Google!
All: Ain’t it better than Kelkoo?
Vestager & EU officials: Well that’s from Britain—is it still EU?
Ross McEwan: Paupers, bow down to the Royal Bank of Scotland!
We have earned penalties higher than you!
Sports guys: Million bucks?
McEwan: Och, aye right!
Gates: Billion bucks?
McEwan: Are ye tight?
Vestager: U.S. bucks?
McEwan: Lost that fight!
EU: More than two?
McEwan & Sports guys: Out of spite!
EU: Well how much, villain?
McEwan & Sports guys: Five point five bill-yin!
All: Guess! You (I)! Wiiiiiiiin!
President Trump’s Billion-Dollar Band To the tune of Stg. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band/ With a Little Help From My Friends/ When I’m Sixty Four
All: It was ‘bout a year ago today That he blew the talking heads away He got elected by poor white trash But to play you gotta have the cash So may we introduce to you His backup for the next four years President Trump’s billion-dollar band
We’re President Trump’s billion-dollar band And Goldman Sachs now runs the show We’re President Trump’s billion-dollar band Sit back and let the tax cuts flow
President Trump’s billion, President Trump’s billion President Trump’s billion-dollar band
It’s natural to be here Not really a surprise He’s such a lovely oligarch He wants to cut your taxes and Get rid of your red tape
You know he really just wants to win And Make America Great Again Sure a lot of what he says is wrong But he wants you all to go along. So let me introduce to you The one and only Donald Trump And President Trump’s billion-dollar band You can’t prove we might’ve helped the Kremlin To the tune of With a Little Help From My Friends
What would you do if he tried to collude? Trump: Would you sic Robert Mueller on me?
All: That’s just Fake News and a made-up excuse, Trump: And besides, I swear, it wasn’t me.
All: Oh, my friends might’ve maybe helped the Kremlin I didn’t know they would’ve helped the Kremlin You can’t prove we really helped the Kremlin
Mueller: Did you impede Mr. Comey? Trump: I just said Flynn should be loved Mueller: Did you pressure anybody? Trump: Well, just when push came to shove…
All: Oh, my friends might’ve maybe helped the Kremlin I didn’t know they would’ve helped the Kremlin You can’t prove we really helped the Kremlin
When I want four more To the tune of When I’m Sixty Four
Trump: Two-thousand Twenty, coming so soon
Just three years from now Will you still show up for me at rally time Wear my hats and toss me a dime? All: If he still tweets at quarter to three And calls your mom a whore Trump: Will you still need me? Will you retweet me? All: When he wants four more?
Ooh…. You’ll be older too Trump: And if you vote for me I could stay with you
All: If he cuts taxes, and builds a wall, And kill Obamacare… Will you just forget about that Russia thing And the shit show in the West Wing? Trump: Look what I did in just a few months, All: And think of what’s in store!
Trump: Will you still need me? Will you retweet me All: Will you still need him? Will you retweet him When he want four more?
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